Reply to Leaving. Advice for how to minimize impact on college aged kids

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Kids, I want you to know that your father and I are planning to divorce, but I don’t want you to worry about either of us. We want you two to know that we will always love you, and we will do our best to minimize the impact. You probably know that Dad isn’t always to live with. We feel we will both be happier if we live apart.” Blah blah blah

Try to keep it amicable. Sell it to your stbxh as his ticket to happiness. And, prioritize continued coparenting to make things easy for your kids. Celebrate birthdays, graduations, holidays, etc. together. Be kind. [/quote]

How do you coparent adults? [/quote]

By being present at their events without making a scene or causing distress.  And if they have a serious problem (e.g., cancer), you might have to work together to coordinate their care.[/quote]

+1 to this and the other PP who answered.  My parents divorced when I was in my early 20s and after things settled down, they’re great about this stuff, which makes it so much easier.  If you can both be present for smaller events like grandchildren’s parties, etc., so much the better.  Don’t expect your kids to cater to you or tie themselves in knots to accommodate multiple living situations for their parents.  Remember that it’s an adjustment for them, too.

FWIW, my mom did have cancer and my dad pitched in when he could to help.  When I got married, they both walked me down the aisle.  They were both here for my older DS’s birthday party this past week.  Things like that make all the difference.   I’m very grateful to both of them for that.  (DH’s parents, on the other hand, had to be kept separate the entire wedding, despite having been divorced for decades)

Oh, and if your adult kids have problems, work together to help them.  Parenting doesn’t end when kids turn 18.[/quote]

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