Reply to Toddler won't go back to sleep

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[quote=Anonymous]I think you just need a plan and to stick with it. You have two problems: (1) how to handle sleep refusal and middle of the night wake ups, and (2) overall sleep habits and hygiene.

(1) Wake ups
I agree the phone screen is probably a problem and I have been there. I just disciplined myself to take a book in there and will read by lamp light. I think this is a much less activating activity for the toddler than a phone, while still also allowing you to distract yourself a little bit. Bonus is that reading makes me tired and sometimes I fall asleep while reading, and sometimes the power of suggestion helps her fall asleep too. But I only do this at bedtime -- no midnight sessions in her bed where I'm reading.

If I go in her room in the middle of the night because she wants mommy, I tell her clearly up front that I will lay down with her for a bit, but that it is sleeping time so I will be sleeping. If she won't let me sleep, I leave. Usually her desire to have me there forces her to still her body, and that's enough for her to fall asleep. If she will not be still, I go back to my bed and tell her that she can sleep or not, but she needs to stay quiet enough that others can sleep. I will sometimes suggest a quiet activity she can do in her bed -- hand her a few books she likes to "read" on her own, or suggest she play with her stuffed animals.

Regarding getting annoyed, you need to learn to recognize when you are getting frustrated or annoyed and just remove yourself from her presence. Again, I will just tell her it's nighttime and I need to sleep, so I'm going to bed. Stay calm, you can reassure that you love her, but assert your need. And then leave. There have been nights where I've gone back to bed but listened to a podcast on my headphones while playing a game on my phone because I'm frustrated and I need to calm down. That's not as good as sleeping, but it's better than losing my temper with my toddler. You can't make her sleep.

(2) Sleep hygiene.

Stay incredibly consistent. Keep bedtime routines simple, do it the same every night.

Find a lighting situation she can fall asleep with that does not cause more wake ups and requests. My DD cannot go to sleep in a pitch black room. She has a bedside light that has a lamp and nightlight mode. We put her to bed with the lamp on and she will usually fall asleep to that, then we switch to nightlight for the rest of the night. This keeps her from being scared when she wakes up, and gives her control over her lighting situation, but also ensures her room is dim and sleep-amenable all night.

Make sure pajamas and bed are comfortable and the right temperature.

If you don't have one yet -- white noise machine. Get two if you need to depending on noise inputs. We have one by the door to her room and another in the windowsill to mask noise from the street.

Continue to emphasize the importance of rest. Get some books that talk about why rest and good sleep are important. Demonstrate good sleep habits yourself. And so on.

She will get it eventually. In the meantime, accept that there will be nights she stays up until 11pm or later, or wakes up at 2am and stays up until 4am. Get okay with this. Yes, she will be tired. Natural consequences. She will get it. Stay consistent, stay calm, make sure you are getting enough sleep.

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