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[quote=Anonymous]WWYD in this situation - a bunch of my in law family are traveling to attend an event that a family member is a part of. We are not coordinating travel or anything like that, just all are planning to attend this event one evening.

My DH and I decided to attend this event as well and also bring our young child along. We booked a hotel for a few extra days and decided to make a short family vacation of it. We also happen to live near my in laws but did not coordinate our trip with them aside from letting them know we were planning to attend the event and that we were bringing our child too. My in laws did end up asking what hotel we are staying at etc… and have decided to book at the same.

For some background I do have some boundary issues with my MIL that have much improved over the last couple years as I have practiced being more direct with her and saying no (which I have always struggled with and am trying to practice being better at), and also by letting my DH handle most coordination communication with her. To keep the backstory short - there were various behaviors that I had issues with that have now been remedied by setting expectations with her including coming by our house without giving a heads up, letting us know she will join us on family trips without asking first, expecting us to go over every weekend and also every federal holiday etc (my MIL cherishes her role as a grandmother which I appreciate but it also comes with the territory where she wants to be involved in everything our child does which is just a lot to navigate). My MIL also ends up solo a lot because she and her spouse very much have the type of marriage where they are essentially two people each living their solo parallel lives versus partners.

Anyway, so back to this trip… we purposefully did not coordinate the trip with our in laws because we don’t see it as that type of a trip. I also have other family and friends in the city we are going to and want to keep things open. We also decided to drive to and from to have more control of our schedule and to have flexibility with our young child

My DH just informed me that his mother asked if she could get a ride with us (as her spouse will be coming from another city and not be traveling with her… this happens a lot). What is coming up for me is that this might rapidly turn into an extended family in law trip which is not what I wanted. I really do not want to spend the whole car ride of many hours with her to the same hotel, then see her at the event, then possibly be expected to drive her back. Also the following week is Thanksgiving and we will be seeing her so I am worried we are just going to be around each other too much. But really truth be told I just don’t want to be in a car with her for half a day.

I know that if it bothers me that much to ride in our car with her then the answer can just be no, but then again it just seems awful to say no to her when she will otherwise have to travel alone (there is a direct train). Uhg, if I say yes I am concerned I will be annoyed and then it will also affect my time with her at the event etc…. In previous years when we have stayed in the same hotel as her she comes and visits the room uninvited numerous times a day.  I know I clearly have some emotional baggage with my MIL and I am honestly trying to work on my part in it all and get better at maintaining a boundary while remaining compassionate. WWYD - say no, say yes and suck it up, or maybe a third option I’m not seeing? Thanks -[/quote]

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