Reply to Help with 10th grader who won't step up - what are alternatives? anyone with experience?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]older child was of a different mindset - this is new to us; feeling dysfunctional

At beginning of school year, DS was in a good place with past rigorous course selection and good grades (some were hard for him to attain but he managed). He is now tanking in all but two classes and seems to not have a care. Rarely turns in work on time. Has to spend weekend digging out from under the deluge. Encouraging him to "own it" has backfired. Dropping ECs, has taken time mgmt class, secured a tutor.  He doesn't seem to care about college (thinks he will succeed with own biz). If this continues, what are choices?

-change courses to regular pace versions (unsure if it is too late) 
-try to get him into an independent, smaller HS...would any even accept him?
-therapy - what kind (doesn't seem depressed so much as clueless; obviously overwhelmed); don't think he has any LD but could test to rule out
-home school or online school (spouse and I are stretched work wise and already spending too much time of late trying to manage his schedule/work)
-drop out next semester to do some sort of work or experience and hope he matures

What do other parents do? If he gets a few Cs/Ds or fails, there probably isn't time in the summer to repeat them all.

Thx for any advice!

[/quote]

Sounds like my son with ADHD.   Have you talked to his school counselor.  Loop them in on the issue.   They've seen it before.

I will say once they get really far behind, the mere thought of trying to catch up and succeed can be overwhelming.   They don't see the way out, so they just stop caring.  Like me, I'll never be a size 2 movie star who can sing, right?  Why even try?    That's how a lot of kids feel when they get so behind.  The hole is too big to dig out of.

I agree with PP who said the transition to "real" life after a pandemic is hard on a lot of kids.    My son has 3 As, 2Bs, and 2Ds right now and I'm completely fine with that.  He's getting his organizational skill set back on track.  He's learning to plan better.   He's learning to prioritize.    I already see progress from the beginning of the year and think the next quarter will be better.    Be open to changing your own priorities for him, too.

I would do a few things:

1) talk to his counselor.
2) talk to teachers in the classes he's struggling in.
3) talk to him and see what "he" wants.   Maybe he's aching to tell you he doesn't want this rigorous course load but felt that was the only acceptable path.  If not, work with the counselor to see if anything can be changed at this point.
4) get him assessed for depression and anxiety.   It could be something as simple as being too nervous to ask a teacher for help.  Social anxiety in particular can do that.
5) think about an evaluation for ADHD or LDs.   This is harder to get an older kid to buy into.  Which is why I listed it further down the list. 
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