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[quote=Anonymous]My kids always come to me first when they need anything. Ok, fine. Often I just do whatever it is they need or facilitate them doing it themselves (i.e. encouraging them to get their own snack from the snack shelf I have created for this precise purpose). Sometimes I'm busy or need a break and I will suggest they do it themselves or, if they need help, that they ask their dad for help.

My DH does not understand that this is exhausting. He does not get that being the first point of contact for literally any problem that anyone has is completely draining and exhausting. He doesn't understand that even when I am able to redirect the kids to do something themselves, the distraction of having to pull myself from what I am doing to make this redirection makes my life feel constantly disjointed and interrupted. He especially doesn't understand how exhausting this is when the activity I am distracted from is something like cleaning the kitchen, making dinner, paying bills, booking a vacation, researching summer camps, or any of the many, many tasks I do not for myself but for my family as a unit. And yes, sometimes I am also trying to do something for myself -- workout or read a book or take a shower. Basically I don't get to do anything (not even write this post) without being interrupted and asked for something. And my DH also does plenty of interrupting and asking me for things, wanting to know what we should do for dinner or where his shoes are or if the dishwasher is clean or dinner, etc.

Often when I redirect my kids to go ask my DH for help or say "I'm sorry I'm in the middle of something, I can't help right now", my DH is amazing at just ignoring their requests or saying "yes I'll help in a minute" and letting that minute last for a half hour or longer. And when he does this, they just boomerang back to me, only with more urgency and annoyance, necessitating that I stop whatever I am doing and just help them because at that point I cannot focus on anything anyway. And my DH just gets to go on doing whatever he is doing, which is sometimes something for the family unit but is often a video game or looking at his phone.

He views this problem strictly as one of allocating parenting. He doesn't understand that I feel like I live in a perpetual state of disruption and that what I want is a fundamental adjustment to the way people in our family get their needs met. I think my DH needs to step up and volunteer to help the kids more, needs to respond more quickly to their requests for help, and be more proactive so that they see me less as the first, last, and often only parental resource in the house, and see him more often as the go-to for at least certain tasks. I just can't go on like this, and I hate having to "assign" him parenting tasks rather than having him take them on himself, because that in and of itself is a burden that disrupts the other demands on my time.

Can anyone else relate? Anyone had success in changing this dynamic. I'm so tired and just want to think a complete thought or finish a task without interruption.

Also, before you ask, we both work.[/quote]

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