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[quote=Anonymous]My DH was Big Law M&A for several years and then a few years ago left to practice on the deal side. Different kinds of demands but still demanding. The years where he worked so many hours and then spent his non-work hours on his own relaxation created a mountain of resentment for me (I also worked full-time, having to later drop to 50% and build back to 80% time to manage the household and parenting responsibilities). I felt completely unsupported — like a single mom with a generous financial benefactor.

We are only still married because
1) he had a major professional setback last year that opened his eyes to the fact that work isnt everything and his self-worth is not his work

2) we recently developed an arrangement, perhaps unorthodox, where we basically apply a custody schedule to who is responsible for the kids/dogs/household on certain days and times. We did so because we thought after counseling etc that we were going to divorce, but executing this arrangement has brought us closer in a way I never imagined. Now he sees what it was like to be me and it’s also allowed him to draw boundaries on his work because he doesn’t have a choice. I can manage the kids and everything without resentment because I know exactly when my break is coming, and I find myself more able to be present and joyful in the time I am with them.

I know you can’t make #1 happen and #2 is unconventional, but there’s a point at which you have to agree on boundaries and stick to them by whatever mechanism you can. What I can tell you is it will not get better without many open discussions — you will continue to pick up the slack at home and he will continue to feel justified in relaxing/de-stressing when he’s not at work. Your resentment will slowly grow and soon be seeded as contempt, which is VERY difficult to come back from. [/quote]

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