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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]“Not amenable to therapy” would be an issue for me, personally.[/quote]

NP. Agree, that would be an issue for me as well. OP, I don't know what you mean by "not amenable"-- that could range from "tried but thought it was 'boring' and 'silly'" all the way to "flatly refuses to even try any form of therapy, counseling, even a one-time marriage communications workshop, and gets furious at the suggestion." Where is his "not amenable" along that spectrum?

What have you recommended, or tried to insist upon? Have you just been "bringing it up" or have you presented him with "We have an appointment Tuesday at 6 p.m. and it's close to your office; I will pick you up at 5:45 and I know you don't have any conflict that night"? Have you tried expressing that if he will not go to couples therapy, you are going to get individual therapy with a focus on choosing what to do next in the marriage yourself?

My DH as a younger man with issues thought therapy was for the "weak" but fortunately before he and I met, he had to get some counseling related to his work, and he actually realized it was a relief to open up to someone else. He says now he feared being judged and being thought of as unable to handle stress. (Long story that I won't go into, suffice to say, tough upbringing after his father died young and his mom had to leave him to raise himself in many ways, so he had issues, plus is in a very high-stress job.) Once he realized counseling was not nearly as bad as he assumed, and did not leave him feeling he was weak for doing it, he got some therapy on his own to talk about his childhood and young adult years. I met him after he'd done that, and he says he is a much easier person to know now than he was before he got some help. Later when we were talking about getting married, I suggested we get some short-term premarital counseling, and he willingly agreed. He says he has changed a lot over the years thanks in part to accepting that it wasn't weak to talk to someone else, and it was OK (and not a defeat) to change things about himself. I hope your DH can somehow become more amenable to outside help, OP. [/quote]

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