Reply to How to 'get over' my parents' untimely deaths?

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[quote=Anonymous]I am so sorry for you losses! One thing to keep in mind is may have distorted images of what the future might have looked like. I always thought losing my parents would be the most devastating thing. After watching dad decline into the abysss of Alzheimers over 10 years and having more and more frequent emergencies, falls, hospitalizations and facing the mood swings and seeing him be eventually unable to use the bathroom, talk or even swallow at the end I was so ready for him to pass and rest in peace. I also watched it turn my already challenging mother into an angry tyrant. Now I live in fear of another outburst from my mother. I never know when she will throw verbal daggars at me because she went off her meds and needs a scapegoat and so far this doesn't meet criteria for dementia according to Dr. If I get off the phone, I get long emails with guilt trips, shaming and sometimes just flat out abuse.

If mom and dad died as young as yours did I would be in therapy mourning their loss. Instead I am in therapy processing the abuse, examining my childhood and trying to enforce boundaries and not have a nervous breakdown. I have a spouse, kids and job and this is pure hell.

I hope something I said brings you some sort of relief that you still have beautiful memories of your parents. I'm sorry if I didn't help![/quote]

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