Reply to Obligation to semi-estranged, very ill parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It's easy for your mom to say you don't owe him anything. To her he was just a sperm donor. You are going to have a lot of different feelings, since he is your dad.

I think that your asking him to move closer so you could be more involved was generous. If this solution is amenable to you,[b] I would push him again to move closer. [/b]I think by conventional definition anyone over the age of 65 is "elderly". My parents are both in their early 70s, and while not suffering from dementia, I have noticed cognitive and personality differences once they hit 70+.

If he doesn't want to move closer, I'd ask him how you can help that doesn't involve driving there. Maybe you can find him a nurse to help out at home? There should be a social worker at the hospital. You could reach out to see what the options are if he has no help at home upon release.[/quote]

I want to caution you here as someone who lives close to a parent who is challenging. Appreciation can turn to nastiness and taking advantage really quick and boundaries in my case were met with guilt trips and tantrums. I never expected it. Every parent is different. I cannot tell you he will definitely do this. I can tell you if I had it to do over, I would never live so close to this parent who at first seemed appreciative. The abusive behavior my children have witnessed as done damage. While they have watched me implement boundaries and hopefully learned from that, they also watched how poorly boundaries were accepted and I feel like there has been a loss of innocence for them now that they have seen such a dark side of humanity from a grandparent who you expect to be loving.[/quote]

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