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[quote=Anonymous]Well, you sure shouldn’t stay at their house. No way. Too intense for the kid on multiple levels, too miserable for you.

For yourself, some people do well saying goodbye in person, others not so much. I think you have to ask yourself if you will be able to see past the “distressing disguise” to the person you still love. This can be harder for family who are coming back into the picture after an absence than for those who have been there all along and hence have had an opportunity to grieve multiple small losses rather than being confronted with one big one all of a sudden.  But if you can deal with it, it might help you be more peaceful when the end comes. And the PP who said that demented people still connect with their children long after they’ve lost the ability to do that with others is correct.

As for the five year old, it is a tough call. It might help her adjust or it might terrify her. If you’re going to take her, she’s going to need a lot of preparation.

And, all that said, it’s better for some people to remember loved ones as they were, particularly when going to visit involves a 10 hour trip each way in covid time.

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