Reply to I have an egalitarian marriage, and I HATE it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We split childcare, cooking, cleaning. Everything is always chaos. Who has time to work full time plus communicate constantly about every little detail of home management in order to keep things running remotely smoothly? Power struggles about how to do every little thing since there are two people who have to have ultimate responsibility for the outcome. We are bad at this!! Maybe other people can do it better.

To me the ideal arrangement would be that my husband was out of the house more, earning more money, and I had a part time job and had more time with kids and home management. [b]Why do women complain about that arraignment?[/b] I really don't get it. I actually hate having other people (DH, nanny) in my kitchen, doing a half-ass job. My poor kids have part time with me, nanny, and daddy, but no one person who really gets to spend extended, quality time, learning about their needs and being there for them. I hate this.

[/quote]

My wife has what you want in my marriage - I am out of the house and earn a lot of money. And my wife is now miserable because she feels at age 46 she never had a real career and is resentful of me for having mine.

Not saying that you would feel the same, just answering your question.[/quote]

My husband thinks I was resentful of him, when really I was resentful about the lies I was told about being a SAHM (how I was told that part time work was easy to find, how I could just find a job when my kids went to school full time, etc.) that lead to my not having a good career or as much financial security. I kept trying to explain that it was my choice and I get that the consequences are on me and only me but he didn’t believe I was sincere. I stopped expressing my frustrations with him because he took it so personally. But in the end he suggested we get a post-nump so I would stop stressing about it. It worked.

I just say this because I do wonder if you’re taking it too personally like my husband did. Maybe your wife does resent you for something that was her choice, but maybe not. [/quote]

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