Reply to I have an egalitarian marriage, and I HATE it

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We split childcare, cooking, cleaning. Everything is always chaos. Who has time to work full time plus communicate constantly about every little detail of home management in order to keep things running remotely smoothly? Power struggles about how to do every little thing since there are two people who have to have ultimate responsibility for the outcome. We are bad at this!! Maybe other people can do it better.

To me the ideal arrangement would be that my husband was out of the house more, earning more money, and I had a part time job and had more time with kids and home management. Why do women complain about that arraignment? I really don't get it. [b]I actually hate having other people (DH, nanny) in my kitchen, doing a half-ass job[/b]. My poor kids have part time with me, nanny, and daddy, but no one person who really gets to spend extended, quality time, learning about their needs and being there for them. I hate this.

[/quote]

If your H is doing a half-ass job, it’s not really egalitarian. If he stepped it up you wouldn’t feel so stressed. [/quote]

Well, I am not sure that is the issue. I suspect is is more that when no one is entirely sure what their responsibility is vs someone else’s, then things go to shit. “Tragedy of the commons”

This could in theory be addressed with better communication, but when both people are super busy with work responsibilities it is challenging to do that. This is my experience anyway.[/quote]

Why in earth don’t each of you know what your roles are and have the other person stay out of it? Like, my husband does the laundry. I have nothing to say about how he does the laundry or when he does the laundry. I don’t complain about how he does it, etc. He also handles the yard and cars in the same manner.  He sweeps the hardwoods. I have stuff I handle that he stays out of. That isn’t to say we never, ever comment about the other’s role — but is is pretty rare.  We both work intense jobs and it works out just fine.

Sounds like you should take over most kitchen stuff.[/quote]

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