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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]On my 3rd pregnancy, decidedly AMA.  This is the first pregnancy that I've done any genetic screening.  I'm waiting for the results of my first tri screen.  When I first got pregnant I was sure that I'd terminate if there were any trisomies detected.  Then...I saw the ultrasound and saw a baby's head & body, and heard its heartbeat...now not so sure what to do.

My husband is still adamant that he'd prefer termination, [b]saying that now that we already have two kids, they would be negatively impacted by a SN child. [/b] I agree with this in theory, but...it's not just an abstraction to me anymore...

I hate these tests.  The pregnancies before were so much happier, we just didn't care if we got a SN kid, didn't do any testing and just enjoyed being pregnant (if that's possible).  This time, its like I'm hesitant to bond because we aren't sure yet, and it's already 11 weeks.[/quote]

There were four children already in my family when our special needs (down syndrome) sibling was born.  My mother, being 40 at the time and having other health issues as well, suspected there might be a problem so she simply declined all testing on the principal that she would not terminate anyway -- obviously this is different than your perspective.  But anyway, what I wanted to share is that not only were none of us negatively impacted, our younger sibling has been an absolute - unexpected - joy for the entire family.  Now that we are all grown, we look back at her and we all believe that she is the glue which bonded our family stronger than ever, and still is a wonderful addition almost thirty years later.

In my experience, it is often easier for the man to feel a bit more detached and fearful about the what-ifs.  Women do tend to form an emotional bond earlier on, and I believe that is our gift so that we may love and nurture our babies, even if they turn out to be imperfect.  Obviously you are feeling a bit conflicted, but always remember it is your body and your choice, so even if you had a "plan" with DH you have the right to deviate from that.  We are all constantly changing, growing, and evolving......there is nothing wrong with changing your mind about any of this, particularly if that is where your heart is leading you.

[/quote]

My mother was 38 when she declined all screening for my brother.  At a routine 20 week ultrasound, catastrophic birth defects were discovered.  My parents refused to terminate--it wasn't an option.  They prepared for him to be stillborn.  He wasn't.  He had some massive corrective surgeries during his childhood, and a variety of special needs, from delayed development to learning disabilities to social difficulties.  Today, he is in college, a gifted musician and computer science major.  He was never perceived as a burden to the family.  He was a part of the family from the moment of conception.

OP, it's an old book now, but read Expecting Adam, by Martha Beck.  It's a little quirky--definitely not my personal experience--but she has a way of perfectly communicating the conflict you are feeling right now.  In fact, there are some gut-wrenching scenes between her and her husband--it's worth reading the entire book just to come across those scenes.

Love can see you through so much...especially mother love.[/quote]

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