Reply to “He didn’t do this the whole time you were gone”: is it me???

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Reply to "“He didn’t do this the whole time you were gone”: is it me???"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Troll.

You don’t like to leave your kids with your parents because they are strict, but you do when you want a manicure? No.

This is a grandparent trying to troll people into “modern parenting is too permissive.” Not buying it.[/quote]

What? No. I’m the OP. They ARE super strict. I won’t let them keep him for a week or weekend but a few hours here and there.[/quote]

In that case, you need to be more specific.

You say they are "stop that crying" sort of parents. That sounds bad to me -- "stop that crying" is a super lazy approach to parenting, it's the outlet of a parent (or grandparent) who has zero awareness of teaching kids how to manage their emotions in a functional way.

What else are they doing? Threats of violence? If so, of course he is "well-behaved" around them -- he is afraid they will hit him. And this is also what is causing him to cry and "misbehave" when you return -- he knows you are there to protect him and can let him out. The PPs who don't believe this phenomenon did not grow up in abusive homes (as I did). Parenting that leans on harsh punishment and threats of violence can create short term compliance, but ultimate the child doesn't learn how to control their behavior -- they can only do it under duress, and sometimes even that fails. Kids actually have to be taught to behave in desirable ways, through patience and consistent instruction, not by simply threatening them.

I wonder if one problem is that as someone raised in a very strict home, you may simply not know how to set boundaries in a non-violent and respectful way. Here's an example. Say a child is allowed to watch one 30 minute television show before dinner, but consistently whines and complains for more.

[i]Strict/borderline abusive parenting: "You stop that whining right now or you don't get dinner at all. And if I hear you complain about it again, I'm getting out my belt and you only have yourself to blame."

Permissive parenting with poor boundaries: "Ok, one more, but then that's it."

Firm but gentle parenting: "No, we agreed to 30 minutes. I know it can be hard to turn off the TV. I think if it is hard again tomorrow, we will take a break from TV time for a while until we can turn it off more calmly."[/i]

Gentle parenting doesn't mean letting kids do whatever they want. It means that you don't threaten and berate your kids. You still have rules and you hold to them, but you enforce the rules gently and respectfully. You validate feelings of frustration and disappointment while teaching them that those feelings are normal in life, in part because no one gets their way 100% of the time.[/quote]

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