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[quote=Anonymous]DH's parents are divorced. MIL has no family close by as DH is her only child and lives several states away. DH calls MIL once per week each Sunday. We visit usually once per year for the holidays during the 10+ years we have been married. She has visited here too.

With MIL turning 70  she expressed a desire to move here closer to DH, which she has mentioned before, but it's not realistic as is much more expensive plus her friends are there, and she has lived there all her life. She has lived well in a LCOL city and the prices are completely different there than here. She was floored to find out what homes go for here. DH and MIL each have no desire to live under one roof so I am not facing any pressure or decisions to move her in with us.

There is no current crisis where assisted living would be recommended, that would be premature and she considers herself too young for that we know. MIL has great friends in her city which is several states away. She still lives in a large SFH with stairs and hires out for landscaping which she has done for years.

Is there anything else an adult child should do? I am thinking, should we press for grab bars in shower and ask casually if she has thought about moving somewhere without stairs?

I don't want to get involved in financial planning as she's very independent and in sound mind. She has a financial advisor. She may spend down to Medicaid if it comes to a nursing home. She received an estate which was said to be a lot though I don't know how much that means in the context of the LCOL city, or how long that would last. Thankfully she has a defined benefit pension.

Should we continue to do what we've been doing and just react if there is an elder care crisis handle it then? She had a fall and we handled the issue then. I defer to DH for his parents but give him research, ideas on anything. Our other parents are local or have other adult children who are local, and have partners (vs live alone) so we don't have the same issues with them, versus MIL who is far and lives alone.

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