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[quote=Anonymous]My husband has a drinking problem. Mostly binge drinking. The physical consequences are subtle for now but are real (poor sleep, slight weight gain, lower libido). He drinks alone, beer mostly, after I go to bed, not every night but I would say 3-4 nights per week, and out of habit I count beer cans the morning after in the recycling bin (usually 5, sometimes 8, rarely 4). Often if we have a bottle of my wine open he will finish it (which has caused me to no longer drink). On a rare occasion he will drink a bottle of wine alone. He had made some changes to reduce after I confront him gently and delicately but they never last. I have compassion and empathy and have tried being careful about my concerns, to mostly failure. In truth I find this behavior disgusting and totally out of whack with our family goals. He knows I don’t like it but doesn’t know how much I hate it. If I told him this it might have some impact but maybe not, and the latter possibility scares me. I think I am deep down scared that I will eventually have to take drastic measures and that terrifies me enough to tolerate repetitively something that I hate. I hate it because it’s toxic, it’s self destructive, and alcohol is insidious and a slippery slope. I also feel like every day I bust my butt at work to try to make things great for our family and this is so the opposite of that. Selfishly I miss him in bed and am hurt that he chooses drinking over intimacy.

I don’t know how to express my thoughts on this without alienating him and could use some advice. I love him dearly with all of my being and he is an incredible father. It is hard to watch this and I am sure it is to cover up or cope with depression. I have expressed concern and love and a desire to help but again it hasn’t been enough.

If anyone would be willing to share what worked for you (if you were successfully confronted) or if you did this with your spouse?
Thank you.[/quote]

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