Reply to What causes people to be unkind, controlling, gaslighting, etc.?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "What causes people to be unkind, controlling, gaslighting, etc.?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Victims of abuse as children tend to go one of two ways- towards doormat or towards abusers themselves. I went doormat  😞

My ex was abusive not from any family abuse but from bullying by other kids. So he developed terrible self-esteem and a super fragile ego- basically Narcissistic tendencies. That meant he needed to be controlling and critical all the time. He was never wrong, everything was always my fault. This led to physical abuse occasionally. Pls note I'm safe now I have no contact and I'm in a great marriage now after lots of therapy.[/quote]

OP here. This makes sense to me -- I went doormat, too.

Also, thinking about some of these dysfunctional relationships, there was sometimes a dynamic where the other person would want to excuse their behavior because they had past trauma. It created a lot of conflict because I obviously have past trauma too, but it was like my past experiences didn't matter. Only theirs did. It was so hard to understand at the time because it seemed like having similar backgrounds would improve empathy between us, but instead it was like they were annoyed if I talked about my experiences as a child. I used to think it was because it made them think I was pathetic or embarrassing. Now I wonder if it was mostly just annoyance at the idea that I was pulling attention off of them by talking about this stuff.

I'm glad you are in a safe place now, PP. Therapy is great -- I don't know what I'd do without it.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics