Reply to Anyone with experience with un-charming narcissist family member?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Thanks to PPs. I will look into BPD. We are already low contact, and I think we are close to going no contact. The problem person has a child, who I worry is an innocent victim, but I'm also not sure realistically what we can do to help/ intervene.[/quote]

So this is your siblings's spouse? Or your spouse's sibling? How is the spouse of this problem-person doing? You maybe stay in enough contact that the child can count on you as a safe/supportive person. If the kid has other interested people in his life, he'll likely be OK. It's a matter of how toxic/abusive this person is, and that can be a wide range.

I think the idea that most narcissists are charming is a mostly a myth, and it came about because of the accounts of former romantic partners, who say, "he was so charming in the beginning," because that's when the narcissist is reeling them in, using everything they learn about the person to appear like the perfect match. For most people who are not potential romantic partners, the narcissist is not charming and even off-putting.[/quote]

Problem person is my DH's sibling. Spouse of problem person is also very strange. My understanding is the spouse takes meds for OCD, but frankly it doesn't seem to help much. Apparently people who are NPD (and/or maybe BPD, to PP's point) often end up with spouses who exhibit codependency. That seems to be the case here (Again, I realize this is all my speculation based on observation, but neither of these people is actually going to engage in serious therapy or seek a diagnosis, so that's all I've got.)

So, that leaves the kid of these two people in not a great situation. However, I think the rest of my DH's family (who I love and think are good people) has made some missteps in trying to voice concerns about child's well-being, and the person who I suspect of NPD (BPD) has lashed out, said that the topic of their parenting is permanently closed, and codependent spouse has backed them up.

The situation feels pretty hopeless, and if it wasn't for the kid I would have zero problem going no contact. However, I'm not even sure if trying to maintain contact at this point would actually make a difference for the kid, (who is 8, btw.) I know that any contact would definitely be a miserable experience for my nuclear family. 
DH has no interest/ desire to maintain relationship with problem person. Only reason we are even considering is if there's any way us doing so could help the kid.

Guess I should also add the problem person is not local. They're halfway across the country, do it's not like we can offer to pick up kid for a weekend at our house.

Thanks to people who have already chimed in. Appreciate any others thoughts/ suggestions.[/quote]

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