Reply to When your spouse loves you, but is in love with someone else

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[quote=Anonymous]DH and I  have been together for 11 years and married for  7 years, we have 3 soon-to-be 4 children together. He's a good father and a good husband. We generally have a good life together, but I know I was not his first choice.  I know he's not in love with me the way he was with her.

There was another woman,  that he dated before me, but they broke up because parents would not approve of them getting married because of age and cultural differences, mainly cultural differences.

They broke up at the end of grad school, and DH met me, not long after.. The  4 years that we dated there were times I felt he wasn't committed to the relationship. There were times I discovered he was talking to her. I gave him an ultimatum,  We broke up briefly for a  few months, but got together. From the point together she has been  a nonfactor in our relationship. That is until yesterday when I found out that DH has been in communication with her throughout the pandemic.  Communication includes FB messages and texting. He showed me the message at my insistence.  All but one of the messages were benign, and the one that wasn't wasn't sexually explicit or anything like that, it was just him congratulating her on her engagement, that she would be a beautiful bride and her husband is a lucky man.   This came to light because I caught him looking at her wedding pictures. This led to an argument in which I discovered during the time we were  apart he was seeing her.  He also admitted to still loving her.  Not in those exact words, but when I asked if he still cared for her  the only answer he'd give was " What do you want me to say?" He says he loves me and is happy with our life together.

My questions are where do I, and where do we go from here?  Do  I insist he stop all communication with her?  Do I insist on marriage counseling?[/quote]

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