Reply to Stepmoms: were you the AP who broke up the marriage?

Forum Index » Parenting -- Special Concerns

Reply to "Stepmoms: were you the AP who broke up the marriage?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I am the kid, I know (it's a stepdad in my case), and the relationship isn't good.  I found out on my own-- nobody told me.[/quote]

I'm sorry. How old were you at the time of divorce? I am sadly on the cusp of divorce because my spouse won't end the affair and plans to marry the AP. I'm concerned for the kids. Oldest is 8.[/quote]

16 for the divorce but the affair started when I was 12.  You cannot stop an angry and suspicious teenager from snooping, unfortunately.  There were just too many coincidences of them being in the same place at the same time and I got suspicious and started checking up on them, driving by his house unexpectedly and seeing my mom's car, etc.  They were really sloppy.  Then I confronted him coming out of my mom's house shortly after the divorce and he was man enough not to lie to my face.

If you can get divorced before your children are old enough to catch on, you may be able to bury it in the past.  But really think about whether it's better for them to hear the truth, rather than just sensing the weirdness.  I would rather have just one lying parent, not two, personally.[/quote]

Well I am the betrayed spouse and don't exactly intend to lie. The AP is someone my kids know and my spouse intends to start living with this person even before our divorce is finalized so I think at least the 8 year old will be able to put two and two together.[/quote]

My DH's situation was similar but it was his ex-wife who was the cheater. She began an affair with a maintenance guy who had done work at the home. It was a convenient excuse to have the guy come around frequently.  My DH got an "anonymous" call from someone telling him his wife was cheating with this guy. He asked, she denied, and when he said he didn't want the guy around the house anymore she ignored him.

Not long after that she handed him divorce papers and asked him to move out of the family home. As soon as he did, the AP moved in. Kids were well aware the whole time. Ex told kids that the AP made her happy and that all their lives were better without DH in their lives. They were impressionable enough to believe it. My DH has virtually no relationship with his (now adult) kids but they are close to mom and her AP/now husband. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics