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[quote=Anonymous]Married to someone who has been progressively relentlessly abusive (emotionally, verbally, physically, and ultimately financially). During this time I fell in love with someone else, had a several year affair that I stopped, and for four years have been only in my marriage. Emotionally though despite zero contact I remained in love with the AP. I never told anyone. I realize now that although I ended it I did not do the emotional work of getting past it. In my marriage I have excused the abusiveness as him feeling unconscious anxiety about the infidelity I never confessed, so I have stayed and stayed bc I think maybe he’s right that I’m a shit person and that all his anger and aggression are justified by and a reaction to my changed heart and this thing he does not know. I used the affair as an escape from our difficult relationship. But the vicious abuse has also helped kill the love. I know that what I did was wrong. I just don’t know how to fix it or whether it is fixable, or whether he would be as abusive if I had never done it. I think on another level he regrets marrying me but stayed out of a sense of honor/obligation for which he punishes and degrades me every day. [/quote]

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