Reply to Would I be a jerk if I backed out of my family member’s bachelorette party?

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[quote=Anonymous]Not sure this is the correct forum or not so my apologies…

So my cousin is getting married in December with a destination wedding. Next month is her bachelorette party. We live on the East Coast and her bachelorette party is in Napa Valley - 4 nights. She informally asked if I was going in early August (no mention of CA yet just that she was having a bachelorette party) and I said of course. The formal invitation followed a few days later. The invitation didn’t say what the party entailed just they were going to wine country. The organizer later that afternoon sent an email saying she wanted a headcount first *then* she would send out pricing. I thought that was strange but I had verbally agreed and rsvpd at that point. The next day (3 weeks ago) she sends a text saying lodging is going to be $800 per person and to send it to her in full 4pm THAT DAY. I’m kind of thrown off by the quick turnaround and her expecting people to just give up $800 in a matter of a few hours, especially since this didn’t even include any other expenses. I’ve never been to CA and again, I already agreed, plus I figured it would be fun so I sent the money. They send the link to the $800 per person air bnb- it’s an “estate” that cost $1800 per night.

This was a week and a half ago and last night they send out an itinerary. The organizer mentions how they’re looking into getting a private driver which will end up being $590 per person but may also be leaning towards renting a car. Renting a car  will be $90 per person not including gas and tips, but they’d only do it if people volunteered to be the DD. I could do it but then why would I pay so much money to go to wine country to just be the DD? On the other hand who wants to pay $590 each for a private driver? Also, in the email they mentioned how we would be covering the bride-to-be’s expenses as well. The bachelorette party is 3 weeks away by the way.

After that email I’m strongly considering backing out. $800 for the lodging, $400 my flight, potentially $590 for the driver, and these are just the known expenses before paying for dinner and the winery’s and god knows what else. Then I’ve already bought her bridal shower gift for this weekend and still have to buy my flight and hotel for her wedding in December since she’s having a destination wedding. Plus, all of this just keeps popping up so last minute and after the fact so there’s no time to budget IMO.

Now, if I back out of the trip this will increase the price for the others attending. I think it would be an extra $100 (I haven’t actually crunched the numbers yet 😅) for the others attending if we’re only considering the airbnb. Also, I rsvpd already so there’s that too. So, would I be a jerk if I backed out of the bachelorette party?

Oh, and no, I’m not a part of the wedding party.[/quote]

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