Reply to DH shoved me to the floor while screaming shut your f’ing mouth…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]…and my therapist knows, and we went to marriage counseling and that psychologist knows. And I talked to a lawyer, who told me to get a restraining order, so I talked to the magistrate and she said she can’t do anything because I didn’t call the police at the time, and to call the police *the next time it happens.* And some of my family know, and his parents know, and a neighbor knows, and some mutual friends know, and my close friends know. And it happened a while ago. And I gave up on making plans to leave him and everyone knows that too, and nobody is particularly appalled that we continue to soldier on as a married couple, and many people tell me, well, at least he loves you, divorce with kids will be worse, or per the marriage counselor, you have to do a better job of connecting and soften your tone around him.

Yet I come on DCUM and people are immediately shrieking “divorce now!!” if someone is so much as verbally abusive or raises a hand in a threatening manner.

I just get the sense that there’s the people on DCUM who are profoundly sheltered and then there’s the [b]therapists, marriage counselors, magistrates, police and attorneys who are like, shrug. [/b][/quote]

I can't speak to counselors and therapists, but police and judges?   They see it a million times.   Victims who don't want to testify.   So the case goes nowhere and is just a waste of time and resources in an already over-burdened system.   I recounted a story today during book club about how I had worked in Baltimore City years ago, and recommended that a man be held without bail for strangling his live-in girlfriend up against the wall so long that the entire whites of her eyes turned blood red.   He was charged with attempted murder.  The girlfriend/victim came in and asked the judge to drop the charges because she needed him at home to pay the bills.  I thought (naïve me) that the female judge would say no way.   But she reduced his bail to $10,000 at 10%.  Which means the girlfriend just had to put up $1,000 to get him out.  I am sure the judge just figured a hostile witness (only evidence) is a waste of time.   The girlfriend did bail him out.    But not before he threatened to kill me, too.    He got out and did kill his girlfriend.    Do not take the desensitized system's dismissal of domestic violence as somehow condoning your staying in a bad situation.

Hitting you works for your husband.   Ok, so it's "only" shoving you for now.   But it works for your husband.   He got what he wanted and he didn't lose you.    If you have children, you are teaching them that violence is an acceptable method of getting what you want.   They will internalize that lesson whether you want them to or not.

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