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[quote=Anonymous]In the last conversation I had with my best friend, who died 9 years ago, I believe I asked her if there was anything she wanted me to be sure to tell her family for her or anything she wanted to tell me.  She shared several things, most importantly "I've had so many blessings and I've had a wonderful life -- make sure they know that."  "I will never know why this happened to me -- it's a mystery I won't solve on this earth - but I am going to be okay."  I cried and cried and cried -- she didn't know I was crying -- and told her I loved her when we hung up.  She probably knew it was our last conversation; I didn't want to believe that but I see now that she had probably planned it that way.

As my friend died 10 days before I completed my dissertation defense, I dedicated it to her memory and later sent her parents the dedication page along with the Acknowledgments page in which I wrote of her life.  I included a typed letter that recounted the conversation in detail.  I also talked to her mom several times in the months following her death for I knew she was sad about leaving behind her family.

OP, I know this is a tough time and I've cried all through typing this post just remembering -- and again, it was 9 years ago for me.  That said, I really do think that listening to what your friend says and asking if there is anything she wants to pass on to others will help.  Keep any promises you make to her, okay?

PS Another friend and I had planned to visit my friend in the last days before she died and she was clearly very upset about this -- I didn't go (but my other friend did).  What she told us was "Please just remember me as I once was."  She was SO sick and struggling and really wasn't herself at the end.  Allow room that this may be your friend's experience, too.

PPS What still helps me is reading Marjorie Williams's essays in Woman at the Washington Zoo -- the last one is called "Rock Star" (I believe) and was written just before she died.  It's a story of her helping her then 8year old dress for Halloween and realizing (as she put on makeup for her daughter's costume) that this was her chance to see in the future and imagine her daughter heading off to her prom.  Remembering that essay is ALMOST as bad for me right now as the "Movie Scenes" forum - cathartic but so very very sad. . . .[/quote]

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