Reply to Never get second or third date. Why am I so easy to pass over?

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[quote=Anonymous]DH here.

Agree with your hunch that it’s “something;” and identifying the issue is difficult.

How about a “moot date?” Do you have a close gay male friend?  Sure - it sounds weird, but could you invite him on a first date and see if maybe he can help out (if he is willing).  My teen daughter just discovered re-runs of the old series “queer eye for the straight guy” - and an impartial outsider’s observations can be so insightful; your post made me think of it.

[quote=Anonymous]What the title says. I've been doing online dating for about a year since my last relationship ended, and I rarely get a second or third date. I've been on tons of dates, sometimes two every weekend. I don't even mean the dates that are clearly boring and have no chemistry, I mean those that were fun and full of great conversation and seem promising. There have been times when I worked up the courage to ask if we'd see each other again, gotten a vague answer (which means no), but usually there's just no further contact. The few second dates I had led to a "thanks but no thanks" text a week later. Something like "I had a great time but I don't see this going anywhere."

It's gotten me feeling pretty down. I get plenty of "matches" and asked out on dates, but something about me must be really unremarkable or unappealing that I consistently cause a "thanks but no thanks" response. It's disheartening. I know the dating world these days sucks and people are usually swiping away to the next best thing, but I figured with the numbers game, someone would find me intriguing enough to pursue something further.

I honestly don't think it's a "catfishing" problem in that men are disappointed with the way i look in person vs. pictures. Sure, most of my pictures are from 2019, but that's because I like to have pictures of myself from traveling and social events, doing something interesting pre-pandemic. I haven't gained any weight or changed my appearance since then, except maybe my hair is slightly different. 
 
I try and make good eye contact, ask good questions, listen more than I talk. I don't avoid talking politics or religion altogether - I do like to clear the air to make sure we're at least somewhat compatible on those things - but I don't go overboard with the opinions or obsess about it on a first or second date.

One theory I have is that maybe I'm "trying too hard" playing up the parts about myself I think are interesting. I like to talk about the different travel experiences and adventures I've had, the more unusual experiences and accomplishments - not in a braggadocious way, but in a "let me tell you this interesting story" kind of way, as opposed to the more mundane topics like job, hometown, college major, or TV shows. Could this be a turnoff? That I'm trying too hard to not be "basic"?

Any insights appreciated - I won't get offended. I'm just so sick of being so unremarkable and pass-over-able. [/quote][/quote]

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