Reply to DD’s friend inappropriate TikTok dances…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We monitor our 11 year old’s DD’s TikTok account - yes, I’m that mom but started after she was watching insane diet tips… and for others who may point out, yes the recommended age is 13 for TikTok - but nearly all the kids have it.

Anyway, many of the dances the kids do and the music is mildly inappropriate - but 11 year olds wiggling their butts and knowing some curse words. It’s disturbing to watch at some level but mostly whatever and kids just dancing around. And the kids accounts are nearly all private so visible only among their friend groups.

But one of the latest trends seems to be lowering yourself down to a deep squat and the opening and closing your legs …   And one of the girls has posted this. And it is just so inappropriate and soft porn looking. Do I tell the mom?

[/quote]

What a tough question!

I believe that it Depends how close you are to the mom. Usually  I wouldn’t as people would get mad and offended - but my best friend’s teen daughter was degrading herself in a very provocative dance and making false statements about her family life to elicit sympathy. It was my daughter who alerted me and asked me to tell her mother. We did so discretely - my friend was heart broken and had no idea but was also grateful to know so she could talk about this unsafe online behavior and impose stricter controls on social media use.  She did not let her daughter know that we had alerted her in order to preserve the friendship between the girls . Most people would inform their kids who told them and it could create major drama in school social life.

I agree with you - I also monitor my dd’s Tok Tok and Snap Chat and constantly set boundaries for what is appropriate. I occasionally ask her to take down posts that I believe are age inappropriate but I have needed to do that less and less. We negotiate because it is not like this is black and white. I agree that almost all the girls their age have social media and it is important  to keep communication channels open about safe use rather then delude yourself that your little angle wouldn’t do that. I see what’s lot of girls in my dd’s year post and it is often not pretty (some are even on Tinder at 12). I am not close enough to their mothers to warn them. The girls often present a very different image of themselves at school and in front of adults then they do online. Maybe adults do that as well.  I am happy my dad feels safe to talk about a lot of online activities with me.

I give a lot of general advice to my DD about keeping things age appropriate and not being mean to anyone - and not to follow every idiotic trend/ challenge on TikTok. She has to learn to navigate this online world that I did not grow up with. We also use anti bullying apps that provide alerts when she gets vulgar or mean comments. I ask her to block anyone who posts mean or lewd comments,  I wish social media did not exist but it does, and it is a big part of their hidden social identities. We have to help our kids to find ways to have fun on it but to stay safe and not be exposed to too much too soon.

On the positive side, Tik Tok can be really cute and funny and is exposing our kids to some wonderful music from way back. There are many adorable  family posts on Tik Tok but there is also a lot of weird stuff people do for likes and attention. So it does need to be monitored.[/quote]

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