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Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)
Reply to "Nervous About Getting Married "
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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are you a woman? Married women are the least happy group in the US, and married men are the most happy. Men's health improves when they are married. You can look up these stats. That is not to say you shouldn't get married. It IS to say there is a reason for these outcomes. Women generally bear a LOT more responsibility in marriage and societal expectations about home/family life than men. So my advice to you is this is normal, marriage can be awesome, AND you need to start off right from thr beginning not being too accommodating or always putting your desires/wants secondary. You really have to watch out, it is a slow creep... splitting up chores so it seems even, but you're responsible for meals which is way more consuming than doing dishes. And then you start to adjust what time dinner is ready to suit your spouse's work schedule. And then you feel like your evenings are held hostage by being in charge of meals. That's just one example, but very seriously - to have a good balance in marriage, you probably need to feel like you're being a little selfish and putting yourself first, because society is SO conditioned to expect women to be martyrs. What society will tell you is a "fair balance" is actually probably 70/30 responsibility and mental load on the woman.[/quote] Your first paragraph is nonsense. There are plenty of miserable men and women in marriages and plenty that are happy. Many studies show that as a whole married people are happier than unmarried. Some studies even show the opposite of your assertion that in fact women are happier than men. That said, the bottom line is simple, what makes a marriage a good one might have some common denominators across the spectrum but is dependent on the two people married finding what works for them. I believe is the greatest enemy of a happy marriage where actions/attitudes are concerned is selfishness. [/quote]
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