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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It’s tough. The thing with narcissist friends is that they are super charming, warm, fun, etc in the beginning, and then the mask starts slipping.

My former narcissist friend was a terrible person, but it took a little while to figure it out and then to process the Jekyll and Hyde personalities. I had to come to the realization that the good side of her was not her true self and that she would only continue to cause harm if I stayed friends with her. Plus, I could never get over some of the things she did to me. My DH called her a narcissist and I have never heard him use that word about anyone. That’s how awful she is.

The other hard thing is, unless people are close to the narcissist, they aren’t going to see what you see, so your former narcissist friend might seem like she’s well liked because they are good at keeping up a facade with people they don’t know well.[/quote]

OP here. Yes to all of this! You nailed it. I definitely feel gaslit but some of our mutual friends who will agree that some of what she did is awful but then just shrug it off because they haven’t experienced it. Their attitude has been hurtful enough that I’ve faded a bit from those friendships, which is increasing the sense of loss I feel after ending the friendship with the narcissist.

I also wound up working part time with the narcissist (a side gig, not my main job) and she had some authority over me there snd was very exploitative. That’s how I figured out what was going on with her because the power differential there really highlighted some of her more controlling and manipulative behaviors for me. Leaving the friendship meant quitting that job, too. So I just have this very profound sense of loss linked to this relationship even though I know ending it was the right thing.

It’s not that my therapist discourages talking about it altogether. It more that when I bring it up, it’s like she’s not interested or bored. Even though we really haven’t discussed it much. It just makes me feel silly for bringing it up.[/quote]

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