Reply to How to deal with painful envy and disappointment in life

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP, I say this with kindness - if you wait to be in a million dollar home to have a baby, you’re not having a baby. Plenty of babies are born in rental apartments and live happy healthy lives.

Comparison is the thief of joy. There will always be people who are better looking, more successful, wealthier, smarter, luckier… you have to stop wishing for their lives and find a way to optimize your own. [/quote]

+1. I think it helps to be thankful for what you have now, and take pride in what you have accomplished this far. Perhaps re-assess your priorities. Oftentimes in life we can’t have it all, and certainly not right away or in the order we envisioned it. Decide what’s most important to you right now, and make a plan to achieve that.

If you want to be a mother, if you and your husband want to prioritize family, then perhaps move to a lower cost of living/slower pace area. If possible with your career, look for positions that will allow for partial or full-time telework.

I’m at the tail end of my PhD program. I’ll be 32 by years end. I always envisioned being married with kids early on, and I was super envious and upset when one of my younger sisters got pregnant a few years ago, by a guy she only knew for a few months by then no less. I wanted to be the first to get married, have kids, etc. I worked through my feelings, and understood that I can only control my life, and what I prioritize in it. I love my niece and nephew now, and couldn’t imagine life without them.

Over the last year or two, I’ve come to terms with what I know will make me happy. I’ve decided that I don’t need a husband, and that I really just want a couple of biological children, and to spend the rest of my life foster and adopting. When I graduate, I’m going into a career that naturally lends itself to telework, and I intend to find a position that’s largely or fully remote. Thankfully it’s a career that’ll make good money as well, but all I need is a humble abode to comfortably raise the children. Hopefully a place that’s still close by to my family and friends.

As pp said, comparing what you do/don’t have to others really does interfere with personal joy. Be confident in who you are and what you want, and begin implementing changes that will lead you down your path, focusing internally on what will satisfy you, and not on the extrinsic goal posts, real or imagined, of others/letting yourself become negatively influence by that.[/quote]

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