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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a 12 year old son previously diagnosed with ADHD who until the pandemic was thriving. His mental health rapidly deteriorated after schools closed and he was cutoff from teachers, coaches, friends, etc.

His therapist believes that in addition to ADHD he has severe depression and possibly Asperger's. Unfortunately, son is unenthusiastic about the therapy and it has not helped.

There was a thread posted here back in May about an 11 yo girl coming out as gay. It was very helpful to me because son told us at the time he might be gay. Several posters mentioned that there are many kids coming out as gay/trans who turn out not to be. Therapist concurs that this is happening a lot. Son must have developed some feeling for girls because he has since told us he is bisexual.

Son has been watching lots of videos from trans people and recently concluded that he is really a girl. We have been taken aback by the vehemence with which he is asserting this. [b]Among other things, he wants to start hormone therapy right away.[/b] He is demanding to buy girls' clothing, wear makeup, tell strangers he is trans, and be called by a girl's name. For what it's worth, he has never shown any feminine characteristics and even now is like a tornado going through the house every day.

So, he might be trans but we are doubtful. We would like to help him work through this while preserving our relationship with him. We have told him we love him no matter what but otherwise don't know what to do because he doesn't cooperate with the therapist, or listen to reason. Son says the issue was not even discussed with therapist this week.

Any suggestions? We are desperate for help.[/quote]

I've been through this - sort of - with both my girls, 14 and 10. First, yes, this is a huge topic these days. Not just in the DMV, but everywhere. My older daughter has two friends right now that are identifying as not female. It's very common and I don't think it's a hostile attitude to acknowledge that tweens and teens are being exposed to the idea of gender fluidity and that it may influence them. However, i have found that's a fine line to walk when your child is telling you they feel this way.

I did basically the same as you - expressed support no matter what. I drew the line at buying a requested binder for my daughter, not because I don't think being transgender is real or that I think it is wrong. I just told her that she was expressing feelings that she had never expressed before regarding her gender and a binder was starting a process that I was not comfortable starting without a lot more thought and analysis. There were tears and some yelling but she accepted that and the topic has seemed to go by the wayside. So my 2 cents would be a hard no on hormone therapy.

If she had started expressing a desire to wear boy's clothes, cut her hair, etc. I would not stop her. That's my younger daughter. She wants to be sort of androgynous and that's fine. I emphasize that the feelings they are experiencing - basically the discomfort around puberty and this time in adolescence is normal and if they stop feeling this way that's ok too.[/quote]

PP here - ^^I just re-read that and realized it sounds condescending and dismissive, which isn't my intent towards OP or towards the kids dealing with this. Overall I have tried to keep an open mind and calm vibe because emotions can get heated. If I had a child that continually expressed they felt they were meant to be the opposite gender that would be one thing, but to have a kid that has never really expressed suddenly declare they want to be the opposite gender, while undergoing the stress of the pandemic and other issues (ADHD in OP's son) would make me want to proceed cautiously and leave room for the kid to change their mind 180 degrees the other way the next week.[/quote]

OP here. Thanks so much for your thoughtful advice (and I did not think your initial post was condescending or dismissive!).[/quote]

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