Reply to Dad keeps asking if he was a good parent

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your instincts are right. Do not bring up any grievances. The last is the past and he can’t change it. The fact that he brings it up often makes me think that he’s looking for you to agree. If it were me, I’d choose something tangible and true and tell him about it with enough details so he knows you mean it. Then ask a question about him and his life.

Example: “That’s right dad. You may not realize this but you gave me one of the greatest gifts of my life, my love of reading. Remember when you used to take me to the Davis library every weekend and let me stay as long as I wanted choosing books? You always had a book in your hand too, I get that from you. I hope I passed that on to Larlo. What inspired your love of reading? What’s your favorite book?”

That way you don’t have to lie and tell him he was perfect, you can give the gift of something true that he can hold onto.[/quote]

Just to present a different point of view. My mother did this all the time. She did not put me or my sister first, she put her abusive relationship with my stepfather first. I saw him rage every night, belittle her, obsess about every object in our house (not allowed to use the stereo, toaster, bathtub off my room, etc.). Then to be an adult, and have her say things like, we had a really good time here, or there, or your husband is just like my step-father. It takes emotional energy to uphold their little world view so they can feel better about themselves. I wasn't willing to hold that anymore. Wasn't my childhood enough? Hadn't I already paid and paid and paid. She needed to grow up, not me. I told her the truth, and that I was angry. It was liberating.[/quote]

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