Reply to What would you do if you found out your spouse of 25 years had a big secret

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[quote=Anonymous]OP here: To answer a few questions, I was never "okay" with my spouse's inability to keep a job, complete lack of initiative, neglect of responsibility etc.  But if they were the result of something that we were openly communicating about as possibilities together (depression, ADHD,) and seeking treatment for etc, that is very different than one of us having some knowledge of what the real issue was all along, while lying to the other.  As for how I didn't know, I would say that for the past year I have had a suspicion.  But every time I would bring it up I was told I was crazy, and essentially gaslighted.  Prior to this time, even though I would find a few bottles in closets here and there, I honestly never thought anything of it.  When you don't see someone drink, and you have never known anyone with alcoholism, are not well-educated on the signs and symptoms of the disease, it's not all that easy to spot.  Of course I look back with great regret and guilt and wonder how I never pieced it all together.  And now that I am far more educated on the disease, I see how it was there from the very beginning.  But even the addiction specialist we are working with has said that my spouse has managed to hide it unbelievably well, better than almost anyone she's worked with- and she has been in this business for 30 years.  [/quote]

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