Reply to How to handle SIL's concerns/feelings (a topic involving race)

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[quote=Anonymous]My brother and sister-in-law live in LA. My parents live in VA. They haven't visited my parents in 4+ years due to many factors, most being the pandemic and before that, other scheduling conflicts.

My parents have visited them.

My SIL just told my mom and me that most uncomfortable anywhere she goes is in my parents' town. She feels out of place due to my parents' social circle and neighborhood (95% White and upper middle class).  My SIL is of Korean descent and grew up in a blue collar working family. My parents do not live in a small town but rather a large-ish city, but I think that's irrelvant. SIL feels how she feels, regardless of any of the factors.

As a family unit, we are unsure what to do here. Is the only option that my parents (and me and my family) visit them and never expect them to visit us here in our hometown? And, if my brother wants to visit, then he is free to with or without her and with or without their son? I want to be super sensitive to this and of course, we don't want to force her or guilt her or anything else negative to get her to visit here.. It is sad to us that she feels like that, but I understand it and could see myself feeling similarly if I were the only person of color. Obviously these are choices for her to make, but it seemed like in our conversation that she wanted some sort of resolution or solution to this, and so when I talk to her again, I'm trying to think of what to say. I can only see one solution, honestly, and that's to visit them in CA? [/quote]

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