Reply to Parent Guilty Tripping After Moving Into Assisted Living

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[quote=Anonymous]My mother moved into assisted living this Summer after a period of almost two years of declining health and most importantly decreased mobility. Since the Spring, especially, she was unable to leave her in-law apartment in our house due a combination of physical weakness and anxiety. We tried PT, OT, and even counseling, none of which really worked, and everyone recommended to us that she be moved. We also had a full time caregiver for her in our house. This was a lot of traffic, especially during COVID, and it became another stressor. Her mobility was so limited that she was suffering from edema, and I was increasingly concerned she was going to end up with a blood clot.

We found a wonderful, new assisted living for my mother, and her mobility has improved markedly in an accessible environment. She is also able to socialize and receive the assistance she needs, including medical care at the facility which was challenging for us to get her out of the house for. All of this required significant legwork by us, as she was not set up at all financially for this possibility, and we have visited her regularly since she moved. She does not, however, see this as an improvement, and during all of our interactions she has been belittling and accusatory, and she accuses me of throwing her out of my house. I understand this type of move is distressing, but I also don't feel like I need to expose myself to mistreatment, especially since I feel burned out from trying to care for her all these months which stressed my ability to work, care for my DCs and my marriage. Just wondering if others have experienced this and if they have any advice. Thanks! [/quote]

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