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[quote=Anonymous]I think my in-laws are good people but not my kind of people and very nosy and particular. They definitely think they have the answers to life figured out.

I have known them 12 years and I have a Good relationship with them now. It took a few things for that to happen, and happened ove r time:

—they stopped criticizing my DH as he started making more choices they agreed with. I don’t like their attitude, but it made it easier to be nice to them when they stopped taking bad about DH

—I started trying to see how their actions and attitudes were coming from a place of support, even if I didn’t agree the actions/attitude were supportive. Basically, because I did think they were fundamentally good people, I tried to assume their actions came from a place of good will even if I found them disruptive or annoying. Like my MIL did think coming to stay for 2 weeks when each child was born was helpful (it wasn’t, it was a burden).

—I stopped expecting them to change or for my DH to change them. So now I know my ILs will watch TV all day, drink all night, and only eat certain types of foods. So plan around this, instead of getting angry they won’t fit into our plans/schedule when they visit

—I started trying to have real conversations with my MIL and ask her advice on things. I love my DH, I think he is a wonderful person, I think his siblings are very nice, and this is the woman who raised him - I figured there must be some good/helpful advice in her somewhere. At the very least, it made her feel like I valued her opinion.

—I try not to hold them to higher standards than other relationships. I think my parents are sort of annoying but I’m used to their craziness so I sort of just ignore it. I also try to see the best in my friends - we can be friends even when I think they made choices I don’t understand. If I can give that grace to my own family and friends, I try to do the same for my ILs.

Don’t get me wrong, I still brace myself for when my ILs visit, but I do have a relationship with my MIL where I can chat with her on the phone about the kids, and talk about our pfamily plans with my FIL. And after a few years of these changes I actually have kind feelings for my ILs, and almost find their quirks annoying like my own parents are annoying instead of annoying like a random stranger. [/quote]

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