Reply to If you grew up with violent or addicted parents and now have a happy family life, do you get angry?

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[quote=Anonymous]When reading your post, I thought for a minute that I had written it - except my mother is still alive.  I had a horrific upbringing and lost 2 of my brothers to suicide (they were significant self-medicators prior to that).  I'm the only one of my sibling to have kids (2 are still alive) and when my youngest two were about 3 and 2, I had to go to counseling because they reminded me so much of me and my little brother (one of the dead ones).  I always knew it was bad but like PPs, I didn't know how horrific until I saw the innocence and vulnerability in my own kids.  I couldn't imagine anyone doing to them what and been done to my brothers and I.  I told my DH that if he didn't anything remotely like what had been done to us I would kill him - and I have no doubt that I would.

I like what a PP said about it [quote]So now, every once in awhile, I wave a passing hello to that big box of anger that is off to the side, and then put it back behind the curtain where it stays. There is no real resolution for soemthing like that, I don't think. Instead, you can just choose to move on.[/quote]  I will never understand it and I've come to accept that there is no value in giving it the occasional glance.  I do have a relationship with my mother but I am very distant emotionally.  To outsiders, my mother is a saint, a real do-gooder.  I'm sure they think her kids (me and my living 2 siblings) are ungrateful wrenches not to have a closer relationship with such a wonderful woman.  They have no idea how lucky she is we're even speaking to her.  What really, really gets me and causes me to speak up is when she makes judgmental comments about the quality of someone else's spouse.  I say something like 'you're one to talk'.  That shuts her up but I have to work on tamping the anger back down.[/quote]

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