Reply to If you grew up with violent or addicted parents and now have a happy family life, do you get angry?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]when I first read this thread title, I thought it was "do you have trouble getting angry properly".  Because my parents yelled so much as kids (still do every day about everything and each other--it is horrible), I have a hard time knowing how to get reasonably angry, [/b]so I always go silent.  Not good.

Now I realize you might have meant, "do you get angry at them", and the answer is also yes, because I wish they had been able to control themselves and their behavior better, and not made things so miserable for everyone.

In short, I should probably be in therapy, because it is not good to not be able to get angry publicly, even if you are.[/quote]

This is what I thought, too, although I don't go silent when that crazy anger wells up.  I yell.

I hold my anger at my mom at a distance.  It is there, but I set it to the side and try to move past it.  She is still alive.  Sometimes it comes back - like recently, when I yelled at my six year old and she was heartbroken.  I asked my husband how my mom could have stood it, because as awful as that look was on her face, I can't imagine what my six year old face looked like after she had just beaten the shit out of me and slapped me across the face, too.  She had an alcoholic and abusive father, too, so at least she wasn't a drunk, I guess.

Years and years and years of therapy.  So now, every once in awhile, I wave a passing hello to that big box of anger that is off to the side, and then put it back behind the curtain where it stays.  There is no real resolution for soemthing like that, I don't think.  Instead, you can just choose to move on.

I absolutely hate that I yell, by the way, and I am working on it.  But I am thrilled that I don't hit.[/quote]

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