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[quote=Anonymous]OP, if it's important for you for family vacations to work with both families together, you need to work out an agreement/compromise about ground rules around eating/meals and then let go of the judgment on all sides.

For example, when you're feeding a crowd on vacation, it's extremely reasonable to wonder about lunch at 10 am - just like you might talk about activities for the next day the night before. It's also reasonable to eat nuts for a snack and for adults to eat chips when they want. If your family eats dinner at 7:30 and it's your night to cook, but SIL knows her kids get hungry at 5:30, it's reasonable for her to give them some food early.

My ground rules in your situation would include things like:
-Each family is responsible for their own breakfast and lunch unless plans dictate otherwise
-Each family is responsible for clearing/cleaning their own dishes from the meal
-One family cooks dinner each night and it is on the table by (agreed upon time). Whoever cooks also cleans (and gets the next night off).
-Kids are served the food that is on offer for dinner and if they cannot eat it for some reason, they can have an alternative (ideally, whoever is cooking include some element that all the kids will eat).
-Adults do not police one another's eating (unless something is specifically designated for a dinner)

Or you agree to do activities together but meals separately because your styles are too incompatible. But adults still don't police one another's eating.  [/quote]

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