Reply to Are my 3 year old tantrums normal?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know tantrums are developmentally normal but it seems like for the last several months, my almost 3 year tantrums have been getting worst. They are very intense and occur almost daily, sometimes several times a day. The triggers varies but usually it is when he doesn't get what he wants like not being able to wear his favorite car shirt (when they are dirty), us brushing his teeth, not getting what he wants to eat at dinner (we always give him a safe food), removing him from the dining chair when he starts to jump etc. We try to validate his feelings, never punish but still show clear boundaries and try not give him into his demands. We have a new baby on the way in 3 months. If it's this bad now, I can't even imagine how terrible it will be when the baby gets here. I was also put on bedrest recently for a high risk pregnancy and not able to do as much with him and he has been super clingy and only wants me to do everything. It's so exhausting! Does it get better? [b]He does well in public and at daycare around other people with no issues so it seems like it's something my husband and I are doing wrong[/b].[/quote]

No this is exactly the sign that you are doing it RIGHT.  You (and DH) are his safe place.  Where he can unleash all sorts of emotional volatility and not fear rejection. If if he was ONLY doing it at school, I'd be worried.  If it's only at home, he's just a 3 year old with a lot going on in his life.  New babies suck for toddlers, that's just how it is.  And yes, this means it sucks for you right now.

I'd spend some extra time reassuring him you love him and doing what you can to play/bond/be with him.  If you can't do something, and he tantrums, that's ok!  That's how a 3 year old processes BIG feelings.  It can even be how they process GOOD feelings.  All of it can just make their cup spill over.

This is a great time to listen to the audiobook "No Bad Kids" by Janet Lansbury.  It helped me empathize so much more with how hard adding our 2nd child was for our first child.  She was going through a HUGE life change that she had no say about.  Of course she was gonna have feelings about that!  She never showed any aggression or said anything negative about that baby so it took me longer than it should have to put her behavior into  context.

Just let your little guy feel his feelings without trying to rationalize or talk him out it.  "I'm sorry you don't like dinner" or "I can see you are upset about your shirt" etc and then just let it sit.  No solutions, no fixing, no rationalizing WHY it has to be this way.[/quote]

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