Reply to Reasonable Expectations on Curfew/transportation/planning for rising freshman?

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[quote=Anonymous]My 14yo DD is a rising freshman.  This summer she has started going out more frequently with friends, spontaneously and with little planning, often at night.  I generally support her independence, she has proven herself to be a mature and trustworthy kid, but the loosey-goosey uncertainty of things is new to me, and I'm not sure how to handle.  Could use some advice.  A couple questions:

1. If she is in the safe residential neighborhood, within say .5 of a mile, at a friends' house at night and she is walking home alone, what time should she be back?
2. If she is somewhere that she'll need a ride from me on a weeknight, how late should I let her stay out?  (Generally, I would be in bed by 9:30)
3.  If she is getting a ride home from a friend's parents, how much wiggle room should there be in the time she gets home?  (We've had multiple instances where Larla's mom is going to pick them up at 10:00, but (the story goes) she doesn't show up until 10:30/10:45.  I can't hold my DD accountable for another adult's punctuality, right?
4.  She is at a sleepover at a friend's house and they all decide to go out and roam the neighborhood at midnight (GPS tracking on her phone).  OK or no?

Basically, I'm just asking on how to set my expectations and hers, so we avoid every situation being handled as a one-off.  For example, she was at a friend's house tonight and was going to walk home by X time.  She calls and says that a parent can pick her up at X+15 minutes so she doesn't have to walk.  That time comes and goes and she is still there. Parent hasn't shown up yet.  I drive to get her.

I trust my kid.  Maybe I just need to adjust to more freedom for her and realize I need to be more flexible....

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