Reply to I will always love my husband, but my hatred is growing

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
Armchair psychologist here.

It's not you. It's him struggling with his childhood baggage. Children of abuse protect themselves by following the false image projected by their disfunctional families. He's not pouting, he's dealing with a wind storm of emotions, like guilt and anger. He knows his family is a nightmare. Somehow though, it's sewn into the foundation of his psyche that he should remain loyal to them. This appears to be tied to their access to the kids.

He needs to work this stuff out on his own. I would suggest you and he EACH go to a counselor in order to get to a place where this BS can be dislodged from your marriage.

I would also definitely write a letter to Cary Tennis (Since You Asked, Salon). He'd have a whole lot to say.

[/quote]

OP again, this helped me so much. Every post here has helped, but something about this just gave me a sense of relief. I know this all about children of abuse and have read it many times, yet something about how this is worded just really resonated. Thank you.

Oh and in his mind these days, he is not a victim of emotional abuse (and neglect in childhood or at least what is considered neglect according to law today). He has made me into the abuser and the controlling one and they are the saints. Part of the problem is the cycle ofg abuse. When it's bad, it's so bad, but after the storm comes the beautiful peaceful time and that is what they are doing now and it's addictive for him. He supposedly hates drama, yet I feel like he is creating drama for us and the cycle with us is after he unleashes and I fall apart, things get better. I DO NOT think he is abusive. Heck you should hear some of the things I say back to him when attacked. I just think he has no self awareness about this.

Marriage can be some bumpy sometimes. I must say again I am truly surprised and gratified to see how helpful this thread is. I was expecting someone to come on here and tell me off and so far it hasn't happened.[/quote]

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