Reply to I will always love my husband, but my hatred is growing

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[quote=Anonymous]  No, no cheating or physical abuse or any of that. in many ways he is a good man. He is a good father overall. He is a good citizen and a hard worker.

This is about boundaries he promised with his emotionally abusive family and he has change his story completely. He now denies his horrible childhood and denies all the times he has relied me for support after their outbursts and he has rewritten history. Now we are supposed to see them as though nothing has happened. He has never once defended me when they have been nasty.

I don't trust him anymore because so many things he was promised with them (he'd stand up to them, ask for apologies, take a time out from them, etc) he has taken back and he won't even admit he flat out lies. He had a traumatic childhood and his siblings are a mess, he hates all his step siblings, and yet he sees no issues with exposing our kids to all the drama. Before I married him we barely saw these people. Once we were married we saw them, but a few years later when we had our first child it became a nightmare. Before the second child he made all sorts of promises and it was all lies.

The whole holiday season has been passive aggressive pouting and resenting me, but denying anything was wrong. He told me he would help with meal prep and cleaning, but pouted instead. I tried doing all sorts of things to soothe him because at first he only admitted work stress. Then finally it all comes spewing out in a nasty fight where he accuses me of all sorts of things. Yes, I am the evil shrew keeping the family from these saints. 99% of the fights we have had have been about inlaws and his inability to stand up for himself or me and his refusal to let me set them straight. The most peaceful time in our marriage was when they stopped talking to him. I don't trust a word he says when it comes to them and once again I am the scapegoat and he won't get help.

I have had all kinds of health issues that have propped up right after his family erupts into chaos (appendix rupture, gallbladder removal, severe migraines, cancer scare, but the lump was benign etc) and he refuses to see any link between them, my stress level rising and me ending up in excrutiating pain.The last time he was annoyed to take me to the hospital and was stunned to find out I needed another surgery. I didn't grow up with this drama and emotional abuse and when I dated him he barely had a relationship with them. Kids came and everything changed. He won't do couple's counseling and all I got from counseling is boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.

There are other things, but nothing divorce worthy. Just push and pull with kid stuff and dealing with special needs issues with one child. Lately I feel like many times when I have bent over backwards for him without a thank you. He only becomes appreciative when he talks to his friend who is going through a divorce, or his other friend who's wife left him or his single-never married and very lonely friends. Then suddenly he sees the things I do and is soooo appreciative and loving.

The happiest I have been since the holiday season started in october was when he went on a work trip for over 2 weeks or when he has met up with friends at their place. My kids exhaust me and I need support, not a 3rd child.[/quote]

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