Reply to Minimal amount of secret drinking

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Minimal amount of secret drinking"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]1) His sobriety (or lack thereof) is his journey. You cannot police his sobriety.

2) There is clearly something wrong in your marriage. Maybe you would benefit from marriage counseling.

3) Do you want more kids? Even if it means raising them by yourself? I only have one because I didn't want to have another with my then-husband. Now I am 40, divorced, and wish I had more kids, even if it meant being a single parent of multiple kids.[/quote]

OP here - thanks for this perspective -

1) I agree, and I don't want to police his drinking. But in the situation I described finding a water (wine) cup - it's not like I'm going to pretend I didn't see it. We need to be able to communicate openly.
2) We have not done counseling yet but recently agreed we should and we're going to set up an appointment hopefully within the next couple weeks. We need to work on our communication. Do you think struggling with alcohol definitely means there's something wrong in someone's marriage? 
3) In my heart, yes, I suppose I would want more kids even if I end up alone. I certainly hope that we can work things out though and stay married. I love him very much.[/quote]

If he is hiding his drinking from you, its a problem. One doesnt typically hide their drinking if its not a big deal. I wont make a leap here and say he's a full blown alcoholic or anything. I will say that he's heading down the road of abusing it and it will only get worse.

Counseling wont help if he is constantly under the influence. You dont have to be visibly drunk to be under the influence so dont assume Im talking about him being wasted.

I would have a serious talk with him. It will be up to him to recognize an issue and do something about it. Unfortunately, I cant tell you what and how to say anything to him. I definitely would not ignore, or think this is just a small issue. The behavior hes showing you are not signs of the drinking you all did before kids. Its elevated to dependency and abuse (albeit small for now) and its important you see it that way.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics