Reply to Anyone just come to the conclusion that spouse is low empathy and there’s just no way around it?

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[quote=Anonymous]I don’t want to go so far as to say NPD or anything, but has anyone else just finally accepted that their spouse is low empathy and figured out how to deal with it? My DH just does not seem to understand other people’s emotional needs or feelings. This is not limited to our relationship. He tends to have more surface friendships, even with old friends. He is never the person calls for help or support. Often, he doesn’t even know about tragedies in people’s lives, unless I tell him. People seem to understand that he is just not there for the deep discussions or support in tough times. Over the course of many years, I have tried to learn to deal with this.

But, after moving to a new city just before the pandemic, it has become unbearable. Very little support while I had no friends, have been dealing with kids whose transition has been tough, especially in light of the pandemic, ailing parents, and looking for work. At last I have started working, and I think whereas I was hoping that would be a source of social time and fulfillment, it’s starting to feel like it could just be a source of stress, especially when it comes to dealing with DH having to do a bit more as a parent and around the house.

If I try to discuss a family issue and how we might improve something, he starts treating it like a litigation and I literally think he believes a judge will walk in and declare a winner in the end. There are winners and losers, and no room for different perspectives. It’s very black and white thinking. Trying yo explain emotions, varying reactions to the same thing, etc, is worthless.

It sounds like I’m describing the downsides of being on the spectrum. Could that be what I’m dealing with? Any strategies (other than explaining my feelings or the kids’ feelings-that may be ultimately worthwhile, but it seems to cause blow ups most of the time). [/quote]

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