Reply to Advice needed regarding maintaining friendship with close friend with severely disabled child

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[quote=Anonymous]OP, it sure sounds like you are doing so many things right. As the parent of a SN child, I'm guessing that she is still just too overwhelmed and grieving to acknowledge anything outside her immediate frame of reference.

I remember when my daughter was first born - unexpectedly three months early and very ill. The days and weeks and months were like a blur. I know that a lot of people tried to do nice stuff for us, but even answering the door to say thanks for dinner seemed too hard some days. That sounds crazy, I know, but I was in a really dark place and didn't have the energy to greet people with a smile and wasn't ready to share my new reality with them. I feel kind of bad for how much I withdrew from friends for the first couple of years, but I also know that I was doing my absolute best for my and my child. I did lose some friends from that time, but I all the more deeply value the friends who stuck by me and allowed me to grieve and process and grow on my own timeline.

I don't know logistically if this is possible, but I wonder if there are activities you can share with your boys? Can you go to the zoo, and push the kids around together? Of course it's harder for her, but I know that after awhile I really appreciated the moments of feeling like a normal mom too.

In looking back, I realize that there were months and probably years that I didn't ask after my friends kids. I do now. I never didn't care about and love them - I just didn't have it in me to ask and listen and let it all in at the time. It took awhile to come to peace with my child, and our situation, and our new life, before I could engage with my friends and their joy without it throwing me off. Hope that makes sense.

Anyways, I could ramble on forever, but I just wanted to say that you sound like a great friend, and I think you're doing the right thing to continue to provide love and support to your friend. Please don't make her wrong for how she's dealing with her life - I bet like me she's doing the very best that she can and that the sun will come out again for her someday soon.[/quote]

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