Reply to Be cautious caring for parents in their 60s.

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[quote=Anonymous]I posted on this forum a while back about my father in his 60s becoming agitated and being triggered by the sound of my voice. He grabbed me by the arms and shook me. This sudden movement tore a ligament in my upper spine. Recovering from this injury has been a long road and still is. I spend a lot of time resting and in physical therapy. That is how I started posting on this board. I haven't seen many friends or family since this happened and don't want to explain how I got hurt to people. It's humiliating and embarrassing.

I had experience with elder care in my 20s and 30s. I thought I could help my mother. I thought I knew what I was doing. But I have never dealt with violent episodes of cognitive decline. In fact, I did not even know that my father was experiencing cognitive decline. This was a horrible way to find out.

The ligament in my neck is still inflamed and swollen 6 months later. It still causes pain in my neck and shoulder. I am going to a chiropractor now, having finished with the specialist. I can walk again and lift items again.

When my mother asks for my help again, I will be referring her to in home care providers who are trained in how to manage care for people like my father. If people call me selfish or entitled, I will ignore. I am not putting my safety at risk again, but I am not telling people why except a few close family members and on here.

My mother asked for my help but was not honest about what was going on with my father. She still is hiding what is really going on with him. If she had been respectful and forthcoming, I might not have been hurt. She put his pride and hers ahead of my physical safety.

I could have filed charges. I chose not to. I was under pressure to file charges when I sought care. It was difficult to turn it down. Don't put your adult children in the situation that my parents put me in.

I hope that this post helps someone to think about what they are asking their children to do, or what their parents are asking them to do. I never thought that this could happen to me. I was wrong.

And I will be planning financially so that my children can hire help rather than risking themselves when I have elder care needs. I will sacrifice luxuries now and happy family memories like some vacations so that my own children won't remember me this way.[/quote]

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