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[quote=Anonymous]OP, the thing about doing what is wrong is that it looks enticing and even gives you a lot of pleasure...but then it leaves you empty and unsatisfied and despairing.  Always.  This is true for everything that is wrong, from abusing drugs and alcohol to lying and cheating.

So know this:  when you STOP doing what is wrong and START doing what is right, YOU PERSONALLY will feel better.  Not that there won't be consequences, but you won't be self-destructing anymore.

Do you have faith?  Is there a priest or a rabbi you could speak to?  If not, I can give you the personal contact information of a very wise, compassionate, and gifted priest.  I think, if you could get everything out there, say it all out loud, you would realize you are sorry for hurting so many people...yourself first...and you would find the strength to do better than what you are doing right now.

You can do better.  You can change course.  You can find redemption.  Where there is life, there is hope.  Don't give up on this life.  There can be forgiveness and healing and love again.

I know.  I was doing [i]really [/i]bad things for a [i]really[/i] long time.  I almost gave into the feeling that I was beyond hope.  Don't go there, OP.  If I made it back, you most definitely can, too.

This I know to be true:  you WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN if you stay on the course you have set for yourself right now.  Stop doing what you are doing today, and start living well again NOW.[/quote]

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