Reply to 1 kid vs. 2 kids - how did you decide?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is/was hard. I am 41 now and barring a change of heart in the next year or two (and a BIG change of heart since having another kid in my early 40s is no joke) we are stopping with 1.

I agree with the pros/cons lists. Writing it out really helps. Especially because it's an emotional choice and it helps to put the emotions down on paper and really look at them.

For me, one of the biggest pros of sticking with one is being able to focus time, energy, and resources on one child. When you write out what this means, you realize this is bigger than it sounds when you just say it out loud. Like there are dozens of things related to this. We can travel more with one kid because it's less expensive AND we don't have to accommodate two different ages or wait for a younger child to be old enough for certain things. We also basically never have to say "no" to worthwhile activities for our kid because we only have to figure out how to afford it for one kid. Even when you have to budget with one kid (which we do, we are not rich) it's so much easier to budget for one kid. We've also talked about things like spending a summer living abroad when my DH hits retirement age in his job. We could do that with two, but it is more likely to happen with one (easier to time, fewer education/activity considerations). When I add it all up, there are just a ton of practical considerations that are easier with one kid, and allow us to live the kind of life we want.

Another big factor for me, personally, is that I like being a really well rounded person. I have my work life, I am a mom, I'm a spouse, but I also have some interests and hobbies that help to balance me out and make me feel like I'm making the most of my life. When you say "what about my hobbies?" it sounds selfish. But really -- what about them? I don't want to give up some of my interests so that I can turn into a work/childcare machine. As much as I love my kid, I also love myself and part of being a parent is showing her what that means by investing time in myself and not just sacrificing all my time to making money and taking care of others. I think parenting is a really worthwhile vocation, but people also need breaks and other interests. That's harder with two.

But I love my kid and sometimes desperately want another. I think if we were independently wealthy, we would have had two, no question. But we are not, so we had to make some choices. Having one allows us to maximize the rest of the life in ways that benefit all of us. Having another means less of everything for everyone. Not just money, but everything -- time, bandwidth, space. That's the tipping point for me. There are tough things about having an only -- we have to be proactive about making sure she has friends, we'll probably need to invite her friends on travel sometimes, etc. But in the end, the scales so clearly tip in that direction for our specific family.

There is no right choice. It's just a weighing of options and then making the most of whatever you choose.[/quote]

OP here: thanks for this. We are of a similar age and income. We will work on the pros/cons in the coming weeks. We've talked around the pros/cons before, but never put them down on paper in a comprehensive list. I think this is a good first step to get brains organized and better positioned to make a decision.

Lots to think about![/quote]

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