Reply to How do you make peace with having a spouse who is not bad enough to leave?

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[quote=Anonymous]If my husband could play video games a day and ignore our kids, he definitely would. Especially if he could get me to watch him play video games. Instead, he does work full-time (as do I) and do a few tasks related to child care and the house, and he is happy to spend time with me watching Netflix. I do the bulk of house and parenting stuff. But he's just also become limited in other ways. He's not that interested in leaving the house. He barely has friends. He won't exercise. He's very negative about everything. He sees the kids as a hassle. He doesn't make good choices about sleep, and this leaves him tired and cranky in the mornings.

It's all just incredibly unattractive. If I want something cleaned or fixed or done, I have to do it, and if I want to do something more exciting than a walk, I have to find someone else to do it with.

There are likely mental health issues involved, but since he doesn't believe that and won't get help, knowing that doesn't do much. I have tried so much on that front.

I'm not willing to keep arguing with him about this stuff. We did couple's therapy once because otherwise I was going to leave, but it was excruciating emotionally and I don't want to do it again. It helped at the time but here we are again. (Although it was worse last time. He was being verbally abusive and generally hateful to me about all kinds of things then. He stopped that.)

My life is otherwise pretty great and I'm trying to just be grateful for that and work around my husband. How do I make peace with that? Every time I clean and he doesn't notice, or he says something indicating that he sees child care as my responsibility (and not just my responsibility, but something taking me away from being able to serve or entertain him), I just hate him a little, and I just want to feel indifferent. [/quote]

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