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[quote=Anonymous]Allow me to say upfront that I am not trolling. I'm genuinely interested in the perspective of parents who have children with special needs on this.

Last night, both of my children came to the dinner table with stories about classmates who not only have special needs but, evidently, bear the LABEL in the eyes of the other children in the class.

Both children (1st and 3rd grade) have behavioral or emotional problems (one is on the austism spectrum, I believe, but I don't know the details. In one incident, one of the children had physically injured a 1st grade girl to the point where she was sent to the nurse for ice treatment of her back. In the 3rd graders class, the child is evidently attending Spanish language class without his regular personal aide and is being repeatedly disruptive to his tablemates (my dd sat next to him for a while but no longer does). FWIW, the child who injured the other child was sent to principal's office, parents called, etc.

The takeaway for ME was that both my children were frustrated with these classmates. So, we talked about tolerance and trying to look for the positive things the children bring to the class, how to let things they can't really help slide (SN child isn't behaving this way to deliberately bother YOU, honey -- he can't help that behavior), that sort of thing.

But it was clear that the frustration was rising to... I don't know -- disdain? Annoyance? So, I finally said, "well, if it helps you to understand better, *I* was a special needs child. A bit of background: I am profoundly deaf, so throughout school there were special accomodations for me -- speech therapy, seating close to the front, some technology assistance, extender periods on tests in some cases, etc. etc. My oldest DD says, "that's what special needs is!"

And then it occurred to me: In our efforts to neutralize the word "retarded" as a slur/taunt, have we really just created another pejorative with the lable "special needs?" If our children are seeing "special needs" as synonymous with the behaviors of mentally disabled classmates and the sometimes disruptive behavior they exhibit, I'm not sure we are really making progress on the mainstreaming front.

Genuinely curious what people think. I hope I haven't offended anybody, as that is not my intention. I'm just trying to figure out how to talk to my own children about how to accept these classmates rather than see them only as "other"
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